Category Archives: Uncategorized

Mar 6 2013

Wellness Wednesday: Even Strong Women Have Depression

Mental Health Awareness Ribbon

Mental Health Awareness Ribbon (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Depression may be one of the most trivial and common mental health issues that people struggle to understand and ultimately seek help for.  Depression is a medical condition that can affect many aspects of a person’s life.  It can be caused by imbalances in brain chemistry. But it can also be triggered by stress, poor nutrition, physical illness, personal loss, and school or relationship difficulties.  Today’s Wellness Wednesday post is brought to you by Jenee Darden aka Cocoafly

I remember my early battles with depression began around 14 years old. The years of enduring bullying for being smart, nerdy and having darker skin started to get to me. And I fell into a deep, deep sadness. People told me to “cheer up,” ignore those hating on you and be strong. I mentally beat myself up for not being strong enough. I was a talented, young black woman from East Oakland with a very bright future. But I thought depression was hindering me from becoming the strong black woman that is expected of women in my community.

When depression hit me hard in college, I still saw myself as weak. Which in turn made me feel less authentic as a black woman. The family issues I tried to brush under my mental rug were weighing me down. The stress from academics and attending one of the least diverse schools in the University of California system didn’t help either. I was hard on myself for being tearful and feeling hurt when relatives or friends intentionally tried to hurt me. I was supposed to have the “forget you” attitude, and feelings of steel when people attacked.  I was supposed to just let it go and cheer up. But depression takes more than just cheering up. And while I struggled to get out of that abyss for a number of years, I kept putting myself down for actually having feelings. Sounds silly doesn’t it?  Somehow I forgot I was human.

We’ve equated being a strong woman as not breaking when life hurls its worst at you. That ideology keeps some of us from getting counseling. That ideology keeps us from feeling our feelings, and in turn we suppress our pain with drugs, alcohol, food or bad relationships.  I remember taking a mindfulness class in the psychiatry department at Kaiser and the instructor told us when we have a feeling, just feel it. It may be tough, but it will pass. However she mentioned the key is to be mindful of how we react to our feelings. For instance, if you’re angry and hurt because of a failed relationship, let those feelings run through your body. Recognize those feelings, have compassion for yourself.  But don’t go out and do a Jazmine Sullivan on his car.

Luckily I had great therapists who helped me to be less critical. Through a lot of self-reflection, reading books by people like Iyanla Vanzant, watching Oprah shows on spirituality, mindfulness, prayer, journaling and talking to others, I learned to have compassion for myself.  Then I saw the strong woman in me.

I realized it takes a strong woman to ask for help. It takes a strong woman to feel her feelings, even when it hurts like hell. It takes a strong woman to accept she has a mental health challenge and to love herself. It takes a strong woman to excel in higher education and her media career while living with a mental health challenge.  It takes a strong woman to take care of both her physical and mental health.

I’ve worked in mental health advocacy for a few years now. I’m blessed to host a radio podcast called “Mental Health and Wellness Radio.” I’ve interviewed people living with bipolar disorder, depression, anxiety and schizophrenia. They are some of the strongest people I’ve ever met.  They’ve been through a lot, but they still keep LIVING and THRIVING. Sharing their personal stories and message of hope for others facing mental health challenges makes them strong. And my advocacy work helped erase the shame I had about my depression.  My work and the show allowed me to see I’m not alone in my struggles and triumphs with mental health challenges.

I know society has its expectations of what it takes to be a strong woman, or in my case, a strong black woman.  But those expectations weren’t good for my wellness. I hope if you are struggling with any mental health challenge, that you get help. Or even if you’re depression stems from a bad event in your life (i.e. a death, an injury, financial problems, torn relationship), I hope you talk to someone. One in four Americans have a mental health challenge. So trust when I say you’re not alone. And trust when I say there’s probably someone in your life with a mental health problem. You may not even know it.

Getting help doesn’t make you weak. It help makes you feel better. Getting help makes you stronger.

Jenee Darden Bio Photo

About The Writer:

Jeneé Darden holds a BA from UC San Diego and a master’s degree in journalism from the University of Southern California. She is a member of Sigma Gamma Rho Sorority Inc. and the National Association of Black Journalists. Jenee loves creative writing as well. The National Book Foundation awarded her a summer writing fellowship in 2003. She is the host of the award-winning podcast Mental Health and Wellness Radio.  In 2005, she contributed reporting on the London transit bombings for Time magazine’s Europe edition. Ms. Darden is the 2012 recipient of the New America Media Award for Outstanding Community Reporting-Radio.  Jeneé Darden is available for interviews and speaking engagements.

Wellness Wednesdays: will focus on various mental health issues, healthy ways to deal with stress, change and transitions and also where to seek help or advice if you suffer from a mental illness.  If you would be interested in contributing or sharing your story, email rn (at) rhachellenicol (dot) com with your topic of interest.

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Feb 2 2013

Mary Mary: The Singing Duo Is Taking A Break

Mary Mary - Shackles (Praise You) 2 (LQ)

Mary Mary – Shackles (Praise You) 2 (LQ) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Mary Mary have been sharing their gift with us for the past 12 years as a group.  The sisters, Erica Campbell and Tina Campbell, introduced us to Shackles (Praise You) and broke through many gospel barriers with the release of their first album.  There music has been heard and played in places that many would have thought gospel music should not or would not be played.  Mary Mary have continued to make contributions to the Urban Contemporary Gospel category, garnering them Grammy’s, Stellar Awards and more.

Over the past few years, Mary Mary has taken to television as Sundays Best judges for the BET gospel singing competition.  With every new addition to their schedule, their lives have gotten a little busier.  We have also watched the growth of both Erica’s and Tina’s family.  Juggling a major singing career, television appearances, tours, recording and family can get hectic.  It can also create a lot of strain on relationships, health and eventually a career.  Though I hate to see them take a break, I definitely understand and wish them both the best during their haitus.

If you watch the Mary Mary reality show, then you know that Erica Campbell has been considering starting a solo career.  Tina’s priority right now seems to be her growing family.  Both of them have young children and these early years you don’t get back.  I have also read some comments on other sites speaking negative about them not taking out time for God, “you don’t see them praying”.  In 2013, I really want people to gain some understanding of how television works before you judge another man/woman’s walk.  If we could pray and preach on any network would there be a need for TBN or any other Christian network?  Okay rant over, but in all honestly, when you are going and going and going that balance can be lost.  Does it mean they love God any less?  I can’t say but I am sure that after this break, they will both re-enter ready to share their love for God through  music.   You can read more about their plans on Essence in an exclusive interview.

Are you a Mary Mary fan?  What do you think about the break?

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Jan 28 2013

Bay Area Singers To Honor Daryl Coley

Darryl ColeyReverend Daryl Coley will be honored this weekend in the Bay Area by local singers who grew up listening to his music or even at one point sang with him in the choir.  Coley is a Bay Area native, born in Berkeley, CA.  He began his career singing at the age of 13 singing with the likes of Helen Stevens, Walter Hawkins, Vanessa Bell Armstrong, The Winans, Donald Lawrence and The Tri City Singers and more.  He has recorded multiple album down throughout his career, giving us songs like “It shall be done”, “Caught Up”, “Can’t Tell It All”, and “What Moved Him”.  Coley has a voice that is unmatched and pure.

On February 2, 2013, the Bay Area will come together to celebrate and honor Daryl Coley for over 40 years in the Gospel Music Industry.  You can join them at Greater St. Paul Baptist Church located at 1827 Martin Luther King Jr. Way in the City of Oakland.  There is so much talent that has come from the Bay Area and so much more that the world has yet to see.  I know they will be doing some of their good singing on this night and you do not want to miss it.

The MCs for the night will be Min. Jeffery Williams and Bishop Ross D. Garrison.  LJ Holoman will be serving as Music Director and Min. Rusty Watson as Vocal Director.

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Jan 19 2013

2013 Stellar Awards – Pre-Stellar Events

The 2013 Stellar Awards weekend is underway.  Yesterday, Broadcast Music, Inc hosted its 14th annual Trailblazers of Gospel Music Luncheon

Cover of Hawkins' Grammy-winning concert album...

Cover of Hawkins’ Grammy-winning concert album Tramaine Hawkins Live (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

honoring Lady Tramaine Hawkins, Edwin Hawkins and Kurt Carr.  If your household was anything like mine growing up, then a Hawkins’ record was always in rotation.  Some of my favorites from Lady Tramaine include, The Potter’s House, Goin’ Up Yonder, Changed and Look At Me, to name a few.

A few months ago in Oakland, CA, Bay Area artist came together in true gospel form to pay tribute and honor Lady Tramaine Hawkins for 40 years of music ministry.  She is definitely a Gospel legend.  This evening, I got to catch a clip of Le’Andria Johnson also paying tribute at the BMI Luncheon, singing Changed.  She did an amazing job.  Le’Andria Johnson also won this year’s Stellar Award for the Contemporary Female Artist of the year.  If you haven’t gotten her latest album, The Experience, I would encourage you to do so.  “Revival Fire Fall” is an amazing song.

The Stellar Awards will broadcast live from the Grand Ole Opry House in Nashville, TN.  You can catch the awards on GMC TV check your local listings for channel.

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Jan 4 2013

Starting Over Challenge

Losing to Gain

Losing to Gain

If you have ever taken a road trip with me, then you know that my sense of direction is a little off. A few stops at a gas station for directions may occur, illegal u-turns, etc no matter how many navigational devices or maps are at my disposal. I have also encountered many dead-ends. In each instance, I was forced to look back over the path that I had taken and make a different choice. Sometimes in life, we also have to make the decision to look back or reflect on the past in order to take another course.

I was presented with an opportunity to take part in a Starting Over Challenge. Initially I thought to myself, “I don’t need to start over, I just need better tools and support to move forward”. I didn’t want to look back because I felt like what was behind me had already been resolved. But I soon realized that was not the case.

I have always been transparent about my journey. I started off discussing some of my own strongholds and the difficulty I had with surrendering it all. I discussed my failed relationship, my family, my journey as a single mother, my faith and my dreams but not my fears. I am realizing now that if I don’t conquer my fears they will conquer me. So I am starting over and dealing with the fear that makes me afraid of success. The fear that is keeping me back. The fear that continues to dim my light. The fear that camouflages itself as procrastination, irritation and lack of focus. I am giving of that fear so that I can gain freedom and the success that I deserve.

I am surrounded by over 400 women who are committed to starting over, holding each other accountable and supporting one another along the process. These first 31 days of 2013 are going to prune some areas of my life that have never served me but hindered me. If you feel like you have become stagnant in your progress and growth. I challenge you to also start over. You don’t have to dwell on the pass, but instead reflect on it and release those things from your life that have hindered you or are no longer serving you. By starting over, you can start this year better, in a better position and mindset to do exactly what has been purposed in your heart.

I will see you at the finish line!

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

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Dec 30 2012

2012 In Review: Whatever You Do, Don’t Stop Writing

English: An aerial view of Mount Everest.

English: An aerial view of Mount Everest. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

2012 has been a good year.  I challenged myself in my writing in more ways then one.  New features were added and as a result my audience grew.  I thank each one of you for reading, commenting and sharing my written thoughts.  In 2013, I can only hope to bring you so much more.  So get ready for more author interviews, celebrity features minus the drama, the newest Wellness Wednesdays addition and RN Series will continue to provide blogging and branding tips.   Take a peek at some of the popular post for 2012 and if you haven’t already read them, I suggest you get caught up.  What are some of your writing plans and goals for the New Year? Leave a comment and  I’ll see you in the New Year!!!

“Whatever you do, don’t stop writing.” ~ Rhachelle Nicol’

Here’s an excerpt:

600 people reached the top of Mt. Everest in 2012. This blog got about 5,200 views in 2012. If every person who reached the top of Mt. Everest viewed this blog, it would have taken 9 years to get that many views.

Click here to see the complete report.

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Dec 17 2012

Mental Health Awareness: What Will It Take?

logo-medSome of the recent incidents that have occurred have pushed people to discuss Mental Health. It is sad that 26 lives had to be taken in order for the discussion to even begin. Last week, innocent students and teachers. A few weeks ago, a baby was left without a mother or father as a result of a murder suicide. But we have to move past the discussions and get to the action. Mental Health is becoming a more challenging topic to discuss because so many do not understand it or the impact on the individual that suffers from it.  The media has thrown the term around when its convenient to minimize the heinous acts being committed.  As a result, we have become insensitive to those who suffer from mental illnesses and even continue to ignore the signs when it is at our own front door.

Mental Health is nothing foreign to me. I was surrounded by it from birth up until now. As a child, my parents cared for adult mental health and developmentally disabled clients. I even went on to attend college and major in Clinical Psychology. I volunteered in special education classrooms, adult mental health facilities and even went on to work with severely emotionally disturbed adolescents. Working in that environment and with these various populations, it made me sensitive to the needs of others. It wasn’t until recently that I even discovered that my mother suffers from bipolar disorder. When I look back over some of my childhood experiences, I can put the pieces together but it doesn’t make it any easier to accept or deal with. Now as an adult and mother, I face the challenge of working through mental health issues with my own son.

When he was younger, I thought he was just your average spoiled child. When he didn’t get his way, he would fall out. I would ignore it and not give in to whatever he wanted. But as time went on, I realized that at 6 and 7 falling out was not age appropriate behavior any longer. Did I want to seek help? Yes, but for some reason it seems easier to try to cope and deal with it on your own than to seek help. But in all honestly, it is even more difficult to deal with it alone. Seeking mental health assistance for a family member is just as difficult as having the formal discussions. We first blame ourselves. Could I as a parent have done something different? I should have known something was wrong. These are the questions and thoughts that run through my head on a daily basis.

As individuals, we experience so much in our day to day lives. The stress of supporting ourselves and a family, paying bills, school, unemployment, relationships, job layoffs, the loss of loved ones and more. All of these events have an effect on one’s mental health.  It is important that we find healthy ways to cope and reach out to others in times of need.  We can get so stuck in our daily routines that we forget to take out the time to make sure we are okay, not just physically but mentally.  Certain mental health issues can show up during any point of life. For example, someone suffering from a nervous breakdown. They are not born that way but they experience something during life that makes it difficult to cope or transition.

I must be honest, it is a difficult field to work in. At one point while in college, I began to feel powerless. I felt like I was only there to help maintain life as it was for those that I served. I would provide medications and make sure they were doing okay but that was it.  Overtime some even become insensitive and remove the humanity from the people they serve.  I have also witnessed the numerous cutbacks associated to providing care to those who suffer from mental illness.  While my experience could have turned me away, they actually pushed me then and now to want to do more.

Guns do not kill people, people kill people with guns.  For the past two year, it has been my desire to host an event in the Las Vegas, NV area during the month of May.  A month ago, I was asked to partner with another organization.  We decided that we would hold a health fair.   May just so happens to be Mental Health Awareness Month.  So May 18, 2013, Mother 2 Mother and Touching Heart will partner for the Inaugural Community and Family Health Fair.  Mental Health is just as important as physical health and we must do our best to maintain both.   More details will soon follow and look forward to Mental Health Mondays which will be a feature on Touching Heart and Wellness Wednesdays here and on Mother 2 Mother.  If you would be interested in being a guest blogger for Mental Health Mondays or Wellness Wednesdays please leave a comment.

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

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Nov 25 2012

Cyber Monday Sale: $10 Graphic Tees

In the spirit of Cyber Monday, RN Brand Tees will go on sale this evening for only $10.  You can choose from your favorites, like Broken to Serve, My Scars, Curly Lox and more.  Load up your cart and get ready to cyber shop.  And remember “Someone needs to see you scars…”

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

Nov 18 2012

Natural Hair: Why It Works For Me.

What works for you may not work for me and vice versa but that truth is what makes us all unique, free to explore and create our own new adventures.  My natural hair journey has been one of freedom, exploration and flexibility.  When I first became a mother, I don’t know if it was my hormones or what, but I decided to cut my hair off.  No I didn’t shave it bald, but I got it cut as short as possible without it being shaved.  The results were a nice asymmetrical bob.  I also had made the decision to stop using a relaxer.  I was a faithful to make sure my hair was pressed and flat ironed every two weeks.  I was fortunate to have a stylist that understood my hair, as well as the fact that it doesn’t take a lot of heat to get it straight.  At the time, that is what worked for me and my hair grew out healthy.  That was over 11 years ago, and some 5 children later.

Now, if you have had children, you also know that the body goes through a lot of hormonal changes.  Well my hair went through every change it could have possibly gone through.  It seemed like every time I let it grow out, I would get frustrated and once again chop it off.  The last time I chopped it off, I knew I wanted something different I just didn’t know what.  I ended up wearing my hair in protective styles, sew-in weaves, etc.  But what I thought was protective wasn’t so protective.  I experienced a lot of breakage and thinning of my hair.  So once again, I was back at the drawing board and ready to resort back to the scissors.

My sister, who has been natural her entire life, encouraged me to just do it.  And that’s exactly what I did.  So for the past 8 months, I have been completely natural and loving it.  I have no desire to even straighten my hair (I’m tender head so that makes that decision even easier).  I love how my 6 year old daughter has responded to the transition as well.  We rock our natural hair together.  I’m no natural hair nazi or guru, just a natural mom that finds it easier to balance mom life outside of the salon.  So when you see me rocking my natural hair or my “Curly Lox” tee, I am just walking out my journey that was designed for me.

What made you go natural?

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Nov 12 2012

Soul Train Music Awards 2012: Unexpected opportunity

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Lights, camera, action may be the phrase used for the movies but being able to see a live production of the Soul Train Music Awards was nothing short of a movie. Celebrities dressed for the red carpet, wearing smiles and filled with warmth as they celebrated each other’s craft. From Fantasia, Keshia Cole, Elle Varner, Le’Andria Johnson, Stevie Wonder and Gladys Knight to Cedric the Entertainer, Erving “Magic” Johnson, MC Lyte, New Edition and more, the audience sat in pure amazement as to who would appear next. I won’t be writing any spoilers as you will have to watch the show for yourself on BET Thanksgiving week. However, I will say that what you will see over the course of an hour or so will not compare to the 5 hours I witnessed being taped.

My favorite moment of the night was when New Edition accepted their Lifetime Achievement Award and their follow-up performance. It was in that moment that I realized we all have a testimony and the platform that we are given to share it is what separates us. They spoke about their humble beginnings. They were all sure to give honor to God for the opened doors and for keeping them together through the ups and downs off it all. I am no different from them. I am just at a different point along my journey. I was inspired by their humbleness and transparency. The next surprise for me came when I realized I was sitting next to Ronnie Devoe’s children and family. He accepted his award, acknowledged his family and then came the cameras. I made sure to smile but I was in complete shock.

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I am grateful for the opportunity that came my way. I enjoyed every bit of anxiety preparing. I was fortunate to find the right dress, shoes and accessories with less than 24 hours notice that I would be attending. Initially I was nervous about what I would do with my hair but I am a natural girl and natural hair rocks!!

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Don Cornelius definitely created a brand that will be shared with generations to come. My children’s children will be dancing down a Soul Train line. With that said, I couldn’t end this post any other way than wishing you Love, Peace and Soooouuuul!