Don’t Quit (Pt. 2)

A week ago I wrote the first Don’t Quit post. Those very words had been playing over and over in my head. Usually when that happens, I have to do something with what I’m hearing or seeing or it will persist. So as I often do, I wrote about it. I wanted to hopefully inspire someone even though at the time I was feeling rather uninspired.

The month of January had taken me on an emotional roller coaster. I applied to countless jobs only to get one call back and an interview. A few days after that interview a dear friend of mine passed away unexpectedly. I began to doubt and second guess everything I was doing and even whether or not I should remain in Las Vegas, NV. I’ve gone through a lot in the 5 and a half years that I’ve been here.

After hiding under my covers for almost a week grieving, I was notified that I did not get the position. Which was probably best given my emotional state. The entire month of February, I assisted my dear friend’s 25 year-old daughter with going through the necessary process of gaining legal guardianship of her younger siblings. I also began planning my departure from Las Vegas.  Yes, I was prepared to throw in the towel and head back to California to be around my family.

The Queen Maker BoutiqueThe last week of February is when things began changing. I wrote the don’t quit post and immediately something shifted. I was contacted by two different individuals that were interested in purchasing “My Scars” tees in bulk. One being Domonique “Pastor D” Scott from TLC’s The Sisterhood and the other a friend in North Carolina. The simple words “Don’t Quit” took on a greater meaning in my life. I now had a reason to fight for everything that I’ve worked hard for in this past year.

And if that wasn’t enough, I received an email last week from the one job that I had interviewed with that had decided to go with another candidate. I was asked if I was still looking for a position. Of course my response was yes. We scheduled a time for me to go in to meet with them again. Well I am now the Creative Attaché for a National Business Development Company, delayed but not denied.

God knew that with everything that had transpired in January that I would not be able to take on a job at that time. But He also saw all my other needs and provided for each one of them, financially, physically and spiritually. You may not see a way out of your present situation. You may feel like every door and opportunity has been blocked but don’t quit. God is faithful and His timing is always perfect.

If you have been following my blog for a while, then you also know that my background is in Psychology. I did not go to school for Journalism, PR or anything relative to that field. I have just been using the gift(s) that God gave me. Last year, I was given a position with a local newspaper as a Staff Writer. Now, as a Creative Attaché, I will be utilizing those same gifts that I have worked hard to develop for the past few years to fulfill the job. And RN Brand Tees will be sold in 3 different States and will make their debut in the UK in two weeks!!! Your gifts will make room if you Don’t Quit!!!  Many of us quit just before the  point of a breakthrough but hold on and hold fast.

“I show my scars so that others know they can heal.”

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

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Scarred: Surviving The Wounds

Domestic violence awareness can not be limited to only one month out of the year. It is important that we bring awareness to this growing epidemic 365 days a year, 7 days a week and 24 hours a day. With the recent incident that occurred between the Kansas City Chiefs football player, Jovan Belcher and his girlfriend, we need more people like Niyia Whitsett to share their story and also strive to bring awareness.

Scarred, a memoir by Niyia Whitsett

Scarred, a novel by Niyia Whitsett

1. Who or What inspired you to write ‘Scarred’?

Unbearable pain on top of pain inspired me to write the things that I felt were clouding my vision, crowding my mind and hurting my heart. I did not want to snap or give in to chronic depression so I begin to write with some encouragement of close friends. I had the title about 2 years before, I began to write.

2. Describe the writing process.
The writing process for me was bittersweet as I reflected on mainly the painful memories of my life. I would have days in which I was able to get many pages done and the writing was legible and other days the writing was big and ugly or even smeared from the tears falling as I wrote. I would go to bed crying and I could actually feel pain in my chest where my heart is. Sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night nervous. I can truly say I didn’t think I would finish because it got really hard to re-visit some of my past, but I knew it would be vital for completing it the way God intended it to be told.
3. Did you ever want to just say forget it?
Yes…I would put the pen down for months at a time it took me two years.
4. How has domestic violence impacted your life?
Domestic Violence hindered my self-esteem because it hindered my views of healthy communication in relationships. It forces you to take control, over compensate, mistrust and be defensive even when it isn’t needed first before getting familiar with your surroundings. You begin to expect things to be hard before they’re easy and it is hard to receive love. I witnessed Domestic Violence and it conditioned me without me even knowing so it was certain things that I allowed and took not knowing that Domestic Violence would soon follow.
5. Were you able to reach out to family or friends for support?
No, I was fearful of what they would say or do. I didn’t want to involve them in what I felt was a bad decision.
6. What was your breaking point?
My breaking point was when I began to lose everything I had because I simply had no energy to take responsibility for anything. I didn’t care about what was important anymore and would spend my money or pleasing myself or others temporarily.
7. What message do you want your readers to walk away with?
If I can make it against all odds you can too, If I can avoid turning to drugs, alcohol, suicide, murder etc., so can you…Scars happen and they hurt, but there is a healing process and the pain does cease leaving you with life lessons. We must pass on the healing and not the Hurt.
8. Do you see yourself writing another book in the future?
I do see myself writing another book soon, this book was just a peak into the many aspects of my life. I shared many scars but there is much more than just that I have learned some great things along the way. God has truly endowed my with wisdom and I am grateful for how he has kept me to share just how great He has been to me.
9. What’s next for Uniquely Niyia, LLC?
I am going forth with “HIS STYLE” & the “Speak Out Now” Campaign. HIS style is a posture that will impact, empower and influence how you see the world, yourself and others. It is the Style mission and series of key techniques that will improve your life forever and the campaign is dedicated to positioning posters in strategic places throughout our city to provide effective support and prevention for victims of Domestic Violence.
10. Where can we find you on the web?

Author Niyia Whitsett

Author Niyia Whitsett

www.uniquelyniyia.com and you can get your copy of Scarred at Amazon.com

Cyber Monday Sale: $10 Graphic Tees

In the spirit of Cyber Monday, RN Brand Tees will go on sale this evening for only $10.  You can choose from your favorites, like Broken to Serve, My Scars, Curly Lox and more.  Load up your cart and get ready to cyber shop.  And remember “Someone needs to see you scars…”

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

Spoken Word: My Scars

Scar

Scar (Photo credit: Tattooed JJ)

Last night, I had the privilege of performing my very first spoken word piece. It was inspired by “I show my scars so that others know they can heal” and also the story in the Bible about the woman with the issue of blood. I was extremely nervous before I went up but I did it and I just might do it again. I wanted to share it with my readers.

My Scars

They say time heals all wounds

But I’ve waited 30 years

And now

My wounds are infected

Cross-contaminating with whatever and whoever they come in contact with

And now what started off as just an issue

is bleeding

Yes there is a leak in this old building

But my…soul feels like it can’t move

Shamed by my choices

Silenced by my transgressions

And all while trying to get to the hem

Who is them?

While traveling this journey all I could find was Him

Them will leave you

Them will forsake you

But them won’t heal you

I soon realized that I was hanging by my own hem

So if I push my way through

Or extend my hand for you to pull me in

pay no attention to the stains left by my past

because in my past was a future that couldn’t last

And if time had expired

My healing would have never transpired

Blood stain, blood clots

The only thing time brings is more pain

Arms raised as to surrender

I realized that with letting go I had more to gain

So I bled from my side the hurt brought on by my mother

And I bled from my heart the heart caused by my lover

But the hem is where I left the stain

And with my healing came a new name

And now my healing will bring glory to your name

I touched you

And you are real

Now I’m showing my scars

So that others know they can heal

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

Sunday Mourning: Free Kindle Download Today Only

Free Kindle Download Today Only

I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.  I had a great day with my family.  So great that I wanted to offer all of my readers a free Kindle download of Sunday Mourning.  For today only, you can download Sunday Mourning to your Kindle and enjoy reading.  I only have one request, authors love reviews, so when you finish reading please take out the time to leave a review.  I am signing each copy, “I show my scars so that others know they can heal”.  Happy reading!

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

Las Vegas: Spoken Word – Thoughts From The Heart

If you are in the Las Vegas area, come out to hear some spoken word.  I am particularly excited about this event because this will be my first time sharing a piece of my own.  As much as I write, it’s about time.  I look forward to seeing you all.  I’ll post my piece after the event so be sure to come back to check it out.  It is titled “My Scars”.

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

Branded T-Shirts: Using T-Shirts To Brand Your Message

English: various and colorful

English: various and colorful (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If there was one message that you wanted to get out into the world, what would it be?  How would you spread it? And how many people would you want it to reach?  Whatever your answers were to each question, t-shirts could in fact be the way that each answer is made possible.

Brands have definitely evolved in the way they are designing and promoting tees.  We are seeing less logos and more messages.  Words are resonating with people, not only the one that is wearing them but also the onlooker.  Words grab the attention, force peopple to read them and sometimes even seek an explanation.  Since t-shirts can be worn over and over again, imagine how many people would come across your message.

“I show my scars so that others know they can heal.”  I initially wrote these exact words in each signed copy of my  book.  The more I shared the message, the more people understood it and shared it.   Quite naturally, the next step was to produce a t-shirt with that very message.  I was reluctant at first but an image of the tee became clearer and clearer the more I entertained the thought.  The “My Scars” tee was born and additional tees have since followed.  The key is understanding your audience.  What is it that you say in the message you share that keep them coming back?  When you find it, brand it.

Evelyn Lozada, Basketball Wives reality tv star, designed tees with “You ain’t about this life” on them.  When she initially said it on the show, her fans and viewers of the show used that line over and over again.  Now they can wear it.  Nene Leakes, Real Housewives of Atlanta reality star, has done the same.  I could list more but I’m sure you get where I am going.

So are you ready to start branding?

Shop RN Brand Tees today!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Financial Abuse: Is He Holding the Bank or Breaking The Bank?

lampverbal-abuse--most-interesting-and-creativ...

lampverbal-abuse–most-interesting-and-creative-ads (Photo credit: thelampnyc)

Economic abuse or financial abuse is not often discussed or understood but is often present in relationships that have a history of domestic violence.  It is in fact a form of domestic abuse and can manifest in many forms within a relationship.  In some cases, a partner may refuse to work a job or contribute financially.  Then there are situations where one partner restricts the other from being employed outside of the home. This behavior creates a dependency and a position of power, sometimes making it hard to leave the relationship.  The dependent partner fears not being able to make it without the other’s financial support. While the other partner may reinforce that fear by saying thinks like, “you won’t have anything without me” or “you need me”.

Here are (7) red flags that you may be experiencing financial abuse:

  1. Partner refuses to work or makes excuses.
  2. Partner steals money.
  3. Partner refuses to allow you to work.
  4. Partner makes you hand over your paycheck.
  5. Partner limits your access to money i.e. puts you on an allowance.
  6. Partner monitors your spending.
  7. Partner constantly borrows money with no means or intentions of paying it back.

Dealing with financial abuse, it can keep a person on a roller coaster.  You have to know when to cut your losses and move on.

“Building relationships of accountability and trust with all roads leading to love.”  RATL

Domestic Violence Awareness: What I Didn’t Know, Hurt Me.

I didn’t know anything about domestic violence, until I was in a relationship that drained me emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I thought domestic violence was just when a man put his hands on a woman.  I had already vowed that if a man ever put his hands on me that would be the end, no explaining or reconciling.  I didn’t realize that his very words were the blows that would knock me out, kill my self-esteem and paralyze me with depression all while he was telling me he loved me.

But there was some familiarity there.  I experienced this same type of relationship growing up, but it was with my mother.  It was usual for my mother to take her frustrations out verbally on me and my siblings.  She always made the attempts to make it all better by giving us anything we wanted.  Quite naturally, I gravitated more towards my dad in order to shield myself from the verbal and emotional lashings.  What I didn’t realize was that once the words were spoken the impact had already been made.  When my parents divorced during my Sophmore year of college, I no longer had my father to take the bitterness and sting out of the verbal lashings.  After I completed college, I returned home but to my surprise it was far from what I had remembered.

I don’t know if I was trying to create a family or fill a void that I didn’t realize existed.  He told me everything I wanted to hear.  He always wanted me around and he even played the whole marriage game early.  He was playing with my heart, all the while making it hard for me to make sense of it all in my mind.  I entered a relationship that took me 8 years to leave, 1 year to forgive and another year to rediscover my purpose.  “I show my scars so that others know they can heal.”

The boundaries we set in relationships and friendships are learned early on through parent-child relationships.  Parents you are the first teachers and the first to bring awareness.  What are you teaching?  As parents, we have to build up our child’s self-esteem not tear it down.  We have to speak life and not death.  We have to speak words that heal and not create wounds.  “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can also hurt me.”  We have to prepare our children for the ugly world that is out there.  They have to know what to accept, what to walk away from and how to recognize it before it goes to far.  We have to make them aware and even educate ourselves not just one month out of the year but constantly, as infants, toddlers, adolescents, young adults and parents.  What I didn’t know, hurt me.

You can read more about my story here

When Love Hurts: Is Domestic Violence Defined By Culture?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month (Photo credit: Morning Calm News)

Can we turn our focus for one moment from building a career, branding ourselves and becoming the next break out star and focus on some major issues that are sweeping across the nation, bullying and domestic violence.  Yesterday, I logged onto my computer and immediately went to some of my favorite sites with high hopes and expectations of reading some informative articles on domestic violence awareness.  To my dismay, there were none.  I was proud to see the pink ribbons for Breast Cancer Awareness month but it still seems as if domestic violence is the taboo topic in the African American Community.

Domestic violence does not discriminate against race, age, gender, social status or faith.  It doesn’t just affect the individual parties involved but also the children, extended families and communities.  October has been recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  It is important that the community at large is aware of this epidemic and also that those who may be suffering in silence know where to seek help and support.  The first step to prevention is awareness.

According to reports, African American women experience domestic violence at a rate of 35% higher than white women.  As a race, do we understand what domestic violence is? Domestic violence manifest itself in a relationship in various ways.  Whether it is economic, verbal, emotional, sexual or physical, domestic violence leaves wounds and can have lasting, even deadly, effects if not dealt with.  Domestic violence as defined by the U.S. Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women is “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological or threats of actions that influence another person”.  www.ovw.usdoj.gov

Statistics show that domestic violence is more common than we think effecting 1 in 3 women.  The level of incidence does not measure up to the amount of attention or discussion it is given.  Continuous discussions and education about domestic violence is vital to increasing awareness and prevention.  If we do not discuss domestic violence as it pertains to relationships, it will show up in the classrooms affecting the lives of our children as a result of bullying.  The effects of domestic violence do not lie.  We teach our children, whether positive or negative instructions, through the relationships and friendships we engage in.  “I will never let a man hit me!”  Well, truth be told, some of you have been hit by his words and punched by his lies.  Domestic violence is more than physical and will show up in how he/she communicates.  Do we really understand what emotional abuse is?  Today’s Hip Hop generation minimizes it by calling it “game”.  If he/she lies, manipulates, ridicules, blames, or shames (these are just a few examples) to gain control of a situation, make you feel insecure to keep you around, isolate you from friends, etc, it is not “game” it’s abuse.  There is no room for emotional “games” in a healthy relationship.

Society says that calling a woman a “Bad B@&#! or calling a man a N!@@$ are terms of endearment.  When someone uses degrading words to identify you the definition doesn’t change whether one is laughing or in a heated argument.  Many people deal with verbal abuse on a regular basis and don’t even realize it.  Overtime you begin to respond and according to the names you have been called.  Words have the power to build up and tear down, heal or inflict pain, use them wisely.

Some history about Domestic Violence:

-In 1974, the first shelter for battered women was established.

-In 1976, La Casa de Las Madres in San Francisco, California opened, becoming the first battered women’s shelter established by women of color.

-In 1981, the first annual domestic violence awareness week is celebrated.

-In 1990, United State Senator Biden introduces the first Violence Against Women Act.

-In 1994, the Violence Against Women Act is signed into law.

-In 2008, the National Domestic Violence hotline received its two millionth call.

If you or someone you know is or has been a victim of domestic violence, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE or (800) 787-3224 (TTY)