Tag Archives: RATL

Nov 9 2012

Showing Our Scars Movement

What started as a quote to sign each copy of Sunday Mournng in 2011, was developed into a shirt in 2012. Now with the year fastly coming to a close, get ready for the “Showing Our Scars” Movement. Over the weekend, a survey was shared on Facebook for everyone to take part in naming the movement. “Showing Our Scars” won by a landslide. The name and what it stands for speaks volumes.

The “Showing Our Scars” Movement remains true to the RN Brand vision of inspiring others to heal and grow, while allowing their dreams to take root. It is our desire through the movement to empower and inspire others through life’s ups and downs, victories and triumphs.

“I show my scars so that others know they can heal” is message of transparency, hope and service. This message has traveled both near and far, touching the hearts of those that come across it. The “Showing Our Scars” movement will consist of men and women from all walks of life who realized it was better to pursue healing and peace than be wounded and self-destructing.

We are also glad to announce that the new shirt added to the collection, is a unisex shirt. So men it will no longer be a challenge for you to show your scars. Understanding that a movement had already begun when the first t-shirt was purchased, we want to welcome those who are new. We want you to know that no matter what you have been through or going through, you can make it. For all the vets, someone needs to see your scars…Let’s Go!

Have you liked the Showing Our Scars Facebook Page? We are “Showing Our Scars”!

https://www.facebook.com/ShowingOurScarsMovement

You can also order your “My Scars” Tee!

www.rnbranddesign.bigcartel.com

Find out more about the story behind “My Scars”

Sunday Mourning

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Oct 21 2012

DVAM: Around Town

A white ribbon to commemorate the National Day...

A white ribbon to commemorate the National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women. Right-to-life Awareness. White Ribbon. فارسی: روبان سفید، نماد بین‌المللی آگاهی و توجه به مبارزه با خشونت علیه زنان است. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

All across the nation, October has been recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  Organizations, advocates, survivors and communities have come together to increase awareness, remember those who have died at the hands of domestic violence, celebrate those who survived and bring hope to those still suffering in silence.

Safe Nest has been providing shelter and assistance to victims of domestic violence for over 30 years in Las Vegas, NV.   Serving over 50,000 persons annually, Safe Nest programs include shelter, counseling, advocacy and prevention education.  On Friday, October 26, 2012, Safe Nest and several West Side churches will come together to celebrate survivors of domestic violence at the 3rd Annual “Hold Up The Light: Celebrating The Lives of Women”.  This event will take place at Ebenezer Church Of God In Christ located at 1072 Barlett Ave at 7pm.  The event will bring together gospel choirs in a celebration of hope and survivorship.

For more information, please call (702) 877-0133

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Oct 18 2012

Financial Abuse: Is He Holding the Bank or Breaking The Bank?

lampverbal-abuse--most-interesting-and-creativ...

lampverbal-abuse–most-interesting-and-creative-ads (Photo credit: thelampnyc)

Economic abuse or financial abuse is not often discussed or understood but is often present in relationships that have a history of domestic violence.  It is in fact a form of domestic abuse and can manifest in many forms within a relationship.  In some cases, a partner may refuse to work a job or contribute financially.  Then there are situations where one partner restricts the other from being employed outside of the home. This behavior creates a dependency and a position of power, sometimes making it hard to leave the relationship.  The dependent partner fears not being able to make it without the other’s financial support. While the other partner may reinforce that fear by saying thinks like, “you won’t have anything without me” or “you need me”.

Here are (7) red flags that you may be experiencing financial abuse:

  1. Partner refuses to work or makes excuses.
  2. Partner steals money.
  3. Partner refuses to allow you to work.
  4. Partner makes you hand over your paycheck.
  5. Partner limits your access to money i.e. puts you on an allowance.
  6. Partner monitors your spending.
  7. Partner constantly borrows money with no means or intentions of paying it back.

Dealing with financial abuse, it can keep a person on a roller coaster.  You have to know when to cut your losses and move on.

“Building relationships of accountability and trust with all roads leading to love.”  RATL

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Oct 12 2012

Domestic Violence Awareness: What I Didn’t Know, Hurt Me.

I didn’t know anything about domestic violence, until I was in a relationship that drained me emotionally, physically and spiritually.  I thought domestic violence was just when a man put his hands on a woman.  I had already vowed that if a man ever put his hands on me that would be the end, no explaining or reconciling.  I didn’t realize that his very words were the blows that would knock me out, kill my self-esteem and paralyze me with depression all while he was telling me he loved me.

But there was some familiarity there.  I experienced this same type of relationship growing up, but it was with my mother.  It was usual for my mother to take her frustrations out verbally on me and my siblings.  She always made the attempts to make it all better by giving us anything we wanted.  Quite naturally, I gravitated more towards my dad in order to shield myself from the verbal and emotional lashings.  What I didn’t realize was that once the words were spoken the impact had already been made.  When my parents divorced during my Sophmore year of college, I no longer had my father to take the bitterness and sting out of the verbal lashings.  After I completed college, I returned home but to my surprise it was far from what I had remembered.

I don’t know if I was trying to create a family or fill a void that I didn’t realize existed.  He told me everything I wanted to hear.  He always wanted me around and he even played the whole marriage game early.  He was playing with my heart, all the while making it hard for me to make sense of it all in my mind.  I entered a relationship that took me 8 years to leave, 1 year to forgive and another year to rediscover my purpose.  “I show my scars so that others know they can heal.”

The boundaries we set in relationships and friendships are learned early on through parent-child relationships.  Parents you are the first teachers and the first to bring awareness.  What are you teaching?  As parents, we have to build up our child’s self-esteem not tear it down.  We have to speak life and not death.  We have to speak words that heal and not create wounds.  “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can also hurt me.”  We have to prepare our children for the ugly world that is out there.  They have to know what to accept, what to walk away from and how to recognize it before it goes to far.  We have to make them aware and even educate ourselves not just one month out of the year but constantly, as infants, toddlers, adolescents, young adults and parents.  What I didn’t know, hurt me.

You can read more about my story here

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Oct 9 2012

Hurt No More: No Longer A Victim

Domestic violence is an epidemic that is sweeping the nation.  I am grateful to those who have taken a stand to increase the awareness and advocate for those who are suffering in silence.   I am so happy to have had the opportunity to interview Author Deborah J. Sheppard-Monroe.  She is not only an advocate but also a survivor of Domestic Violence.  In this interview, she discusses her relationship that almost cost her life, her organization and how you can also get involved in your community.

Who or what inspired you to write Hurt No More?
HURT NO MORE was inspired by my personal experience with domestic violence.

How did domestic violence affect your life?
I am a survivor of domestic violence. I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years. The abuse ranged from physical, emotional/mental, financial and sexual abuse. I would be called names such as stupid, ugly, pathetic, fat, b***h etc. I supported him financially and if I decided that I did not want to give him money, he would make me feel as though I was the most horrible person in the world. The manipulation was so strong. The physical abuse would be a mixture of being punched, slapped, choked, having my head bashed into the wall etc. Sometimes, while trying to defend myself we would end up fighting like cats and dogs. The most frightening experience was when he held a loaded Smith & Wesson gun to my head.

What was the response from family and friends like when you published your book?
There was mixture of responses. All of my friends were very supportive and encouraged me to get the word out but I only had a few family members (like 2 or 3) who actually supported my book.

How did you build up the strength and courage to leave your relationship?
One day I just decided that enough was enough. I could not take it anymore. I had lost my identity, put on over 50lbs, I feared for my life constantly and it became just too much. I could not cheat my future husband and children out of a wife and mother.

How do you stay involved in your community as a domestic violence survivor and advocate?
I founded an organization called VICTIMIZE ME NO MORE and I use this organization as my platform for advocacy. We do programs with schools, churches, other non-profits and community organizations to spread the message of HOPE and to ENCOURAGE everyone to help fight this epidemic.

What would you say to someone who has or currently is experiencing domestic violence within their relationship?
Wow. This is a really good question. I would say to them: I know what it is like to want to leave but feel like you can’t. I know what it is like to want to change your mate but nothing seems to work. I know what it is like to love and hate at the same time. I know what it is like to lose yourself and family/friends all at the same time. I know what it is like to cry and feel like nobody hears me. I KNOW!!! Never feel like you are alone and never feel like this is your fault because it is not. You are a beautiful individual who deserves happiness, who deserves to laugh, live and love. You are stronger than what you think. Use your strength and courage to step out of this relationship and live the life that God has ordained for you. Happiness and true love is waiting for you. Don’t make them wait any longer. Most importantly, don’t waste too much time because that extra day you decide to stay could be the day your abuser takes your life.

Why do you think there is a lack of discussion within the African American community about Domestic Violence?
One thing that I have learned and it hurts to admit but things such as abuse (child abuse, domestic violence etc.) in the African American community is often sweep under the rug. We have adopted the saying “Stay out of other people’s homes”. This motto has cost people so many lives.

How do you envision changing the level of awareness and discussion with the African American community?
My dream is that the men and women who are big in the African American community (celebs, reality stars, athletes etc.) who have been victims of Domestic Violence will speak up about it. We live in a society where people with a platform don’t always use it in a positive manner. Our generation looks up to these powerful men and women and what better way to use that power by promoting awareness!!

What suggestions do you have for someone that wants to get involved in their community and increase the awareness of domestic violence?
GO FOR IT!! SOMEBODY HAS TO DO IT!! Make a plan, connect with people, schools, churches and different organizations in your community and find out what the needs are. Find the stats of victims in your community and make those people your target audience and start from there.
What feedback have you received from your readers about Hurt No More?
The number one thing readers tell me after reading HURT NO MORE is “I can’t believe you were that transparent in this book” I always laugh and say, “why not? People have to know that they are not alone and the only way other victims can take me seriously is by knowing my story”.

Discover more about the Author’s organization Victimize Me No More here
To order your ebook copy of Hurt No More visit Barnes & Noble or purchase your paperback here

Get your copy today!!!

Oct 4 2012

I Made It Personal: Blogalicious12

A little over a week ago, before attending Blogalicious, I made a confession.  I had come to the conclusion that I wanted more and I was the only one holding ME back.  Because of my confession, I attended Blogalicious with a clear vision, understanding the next steps to take and the connections necessary to make the transition.  Yes, I made it personal.

@MarioArmstrong confirmed that I was no longer just a blogger.  Ironically, I have already been generating an income but adding a few more avenues to generate revenue puts me where I am desiring to go.  So again, I am stretching myself and stepping out of my comfort zone.  I am developing my 90 day plan, gathering my team, expanding my reach and I am determined to enjoy and learn throughout the process.

@MissLori Taught me healing is necessary and it doesn’t hurt to share while on your journey of healing and discovery.  Being transparent not only connects you with your audience but it also inspires.  “Light the way for others.  For everyone benefits when paths of opportunity and progress are illuminated.”

Ava Duvernay Gave me the confidence and guidance I needed to make the transition.  My age no longer creates a sense of fear when I think about transitioning from the world of casework and Psychology to Public Relations.  She not only transitioned but has been awarded in the process, receiving the Sundance award for her film Middle of Nowhere.   When you are passionate about something and determined to see it through anything can happen.  Sometimes being tired of seeing the world through someone elses lens is the fuel that is needed to light the fire.

Last but not least @HarrietteCole let me know how to put all my thoughts together and communicate them affectively. “Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary? Is it timely?”

The Blogalicious12 experience was priceless.  It took a few days to actually let everything just soak in.  From the organizers to the attendees to all the phenomenal presenters, making it personal was made easy. I gained so much insight and inspiration that one post simply won’t be enough.  But I’m making my list, doing my research, visualizing my success, following up and making it all count.  Blogalicious13 I will be there with bells on.

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Oct 2 2012

When Love Hurts: Is Domestic Violence Defined By Culture?

Domestic Violence Awareness Month

Domestic Violence Awareness Month (Photo credit: Morning Calm News)

Can we turn our focus for one moment from building a career, branding ourselves and becoming the next break out star and focus on some major issues that are sweeping across the nation, bullying and domestic violence.  Yesterday, I logged onto my computer and immediately went to some of my favorite sites with high hopes and expectations of reading some informative articles on domestic violence awareness.  To my dismay, there were none.  I was proud to see the pink ribbons for Breast Cancer Awareness month but it still seems as if domestic violence is the taboo topic in the African American Community.

Domestic violence does not discriminate against race, age, gender, social status or faith.  It doesn’t just affect the individual parties involved but also the children, extended families and communities.  October has been recognized as Domestic Violence Awareness Month.  It is important that the community at large is aware of this epidemic and also that those who may be suffering in silence know where to seek help and support.  The first step to prevention is awareness.

According to reports, African American women experience domestic violence at a rate of 35% higher than white women.  As a race, do we understand what domestic violence is? Domestic violence manifest itself in a relationship in various ways.  Whether it is economic, verbal, emotional, sexual or physical, domestic violence leaves wounds and can have lasting, even deadly, effects if not dealt with.  Domestic violence as defined by the U.S. Department of Justice Office of Violence Against Women is “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner. Domestic violence can be physical, sexual, emotional, economic, or psychological or threats of actions that influence another person”.  www.ovw.usdoj.gov

Statistics show that domestic violence is more common than we think effecting 1 in 3 women.  The level of incidence does not measure up to the amount of attention or discussion it is given.  Continuous discussions and education about domestic violence is vital to increasing awareness and prevention.  If we do not discuss domestic violence as it pertains to relationships, it will show up in the classrooms affecting the lives of our children as a result of bullying.  The effects of domestic violence do not lie.  We teach our children, whether positive or negative instructions, through the relationships and friendships we engage in.  “I will never let a man hit me!”  Well, truth be told, some of you have been hit by his words and punched by his lies.  Domestic violence is more than physical and will show up in how he/she communicates.  Do we really understand what emotional abuse is?  Today’s Hip Hop generation minimizes it by calling it “game”.  If he/she lies, manipulates, ridicules, blames, or shames (these are just a few examples) to gain control of a situation, make you feel insecure to keep you around, isolate you from friends, etc, it is not “game” it’s abuse.  There is no room for emotional “games” in a healthy relationship.

Society says that calling a woman a “Bad B@&#! or calling a man a N!@@$ are terms of endearment.  When someone uses degrading words to identify you the definition doesn’t change whether one is laughing or in a heated argument.  Many people deal with verbal abuse on a regular basis and don’t even realize it.  Overtime you begin to respond and according to the names you have been called.  Words have the power to build up and tear down, heal or inflict pain, use them wisely.

Some history about Domestic Violence:

-In 1974, the first shelter for battered women was established.

-In 1976, La Casa de Las Madres in San Francisco, California opened, becoming the first battered women’s shelter established by women of color.

-In 1981, the first annual domestic violence awareness week is celebrated.

-In 1990, United State Senator Biden introduces the first Violence Against Women Act.

-In 1994, the Violence Against Women Act is signed into law.

-In 2008, the National Domestic Violence hotline received its two millionth call.

If you or someone you know is or has been a victim of domestic violence, you can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at (800) 799-SAFE or (800) 787-3224 (TTY)

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Sep 24 2012

I Have A Confession

Cancer (Confession album)

Cancer (Confession album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Have you ever just done something because it felt right? Then the more and more you continue to do it you realize that you can’t imagine yourself not doing it. Well, that’s exactly how I feel about blogging and writing. Initially, my goal was just to write and be consistent. I wanted to reflect and rediscover a hidden passion but the more I did just that, I realized I wanted more.

I want more, matter of fact, I have always wanted more. I guess you can say I am my greatest competition or worst critic. As a blogger, I felt like I was playing it safe. I was free to come and go as I pleased. I even rambled at times when I didn’t know what to say. But at some point, something changed. Actually, everything changed. My goals are not just to write and be consistent anymore. I want to be a leader in what I do, influential and have an impact. I want to create a platform to support others in their ministry. I am clear about what I want and I am confident that God will continue to lead me as I follow.

Writing has been instrumental in my process. Through writing, I found my healing, released my hurts and those things which once caused me shame. I can’t thank God enough for the vision He has given me and the confidence to see it through; I must be obedient. “Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ:” Philippians 1:6 I’m no longer fighting but submitting to what God would have me to do. “I show my scars so that others know they can heal” and writing has alllowed me to do just that.

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Sep 17 2012

Wanza Leftwich: Faith and Fertility

I may not know much about infertility but I do know about the power of prayer and standing on God’s word.  I am so happy to welcome Wanza Leftwich, author of Faith and Fertility.  She has an awesome testimony to share!
1. How long have you been writing?
I’ve been writing for twelve years now. Isn’t amazing how fast time goes by!

2. What genre best describes your writing?
My fiction genre is classified as Urban Christian Fiction – the tell it like it is, no holds barred type of Christian writing that depicts real people serving a real God. I also write non-fiction which tends to have the type of impact – writing that is real, transparent andaimed at helping others.

3. What inspired your most recent book?
My most recent book was inspired by my personal life. Faith and Fertility: All Things Are Possible comes directly from my heart. It is about my experience through infertility and how God enabled me to get rid of an infertility defeated mindset.

4. Was it difficult to write on the subject?
Honestly, it was not difficult to write, but i find that the content may be challenging to women who are suffering through infertility. It is not written to keep women in despair or sadness. It gives hope and encourages the reader to activate their faith and believe for the impossible.

5. On twitter, you go by @TheGospelWriter. How did you come up with that name?

Can you believe I recently gave up that name as my twitter handle? I absolutely loved that name. When I first began writing I was taught that you should have a brand. The Gospel Writer became my name because I write about the Gospel of Jesus Christ Be it fiction and non-fiction, I encourage readers to grow in their walk with Christ. Recently, I’ve changed my twitter handle to my name @WanzaLeftwich to represent the brand that is evolving now.

6. How do you balance writing your own books and novels with editing those of others?
I am learning to not take on more than I can handle :-) . Basically, I schedule my clients according to the deadlines that I have. I try not overload my schedule. This works best for me and my clients. I able to meet my deadlines and my clients receive the personal attention that their books deserves.

7. What is the one thing that you would tell someone who is interested in writing a book but has some reservations?
Just write! Get it all out of your system. Don’t worry about editing, grammar or structure. Get it on paper. Let your thoughts flow. Let your heart speak freely. You will be surprised what comes out. Most importantly, don’t be fearful. Someone needs your words.

8. Who motivated you and have you that extra push to begin writing?
I was motivated by my sister in law who self published three books. She told me what I tell people everyday – “just write”. As simple as it sounds, it works. I’m motivated to keep writing when I hear that someone’s life has been changed because of my words.

9. What can we expect from you in the near future?
I’m glad that you asked! I am headed in a new direction. My book Faith and Fertility has ushered me into a new area. With the launch of my
new site(in a few days), www.wanzaleftwich.com, my mission is to encourage women struggling with infertility to overcome it with faith.
I have a series of courses coming out including, the Infertility Defeated Mindset Bootcamp. And of course, you can expect another book, Infertility Defeated.

10. Any last words?
Thank you so much for this interview. I’ve truly enjoyed it! As always, you and your readers can connect with me socially on
www.Twitter.com/wanzaleftwich or www.facebook.com/wanzaleftwich

Get your copy of Faith and Fertility at amazon.com available in paperback and on Kindle!

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Sep 12 2012

Losing to Win: Evelyn Lozada’s Journey to Healing

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63850151 (Photo credit: accidentalpaparazzi)

We’ve watched Evelyn Lozada rise to the rank of a Reality TV star, marry her on camera and off camera beau, Chad Johnson (Ochocinco) and become the victim of domestic violence. Evelyn, most known for her bullying behavior, no holds bar opinions and recent tumultuous relationship has lost a lot over the course of this year, bestfriend, Jennifer Williams, and now her marriage. Evelyn became the Basketball wife we all loved to hate. And after seeing her on screen relationships with her girlfriends and Chad her life became a little predictable. We knew just about every week she would end up in a caddy argument, picking a fight and we definitely knew that she would say “yes” if ever popped the question.

But one thing we probably didn’t see coming, I know I didn’t, is Evelyn seeking help and acknowledging her bad girl behavior. Fix My Life, a new series on the Own Network with relationship expert, Iyanla Vanzant, is being described as “the reality show you have never seen before.” And to my surprise, Evelyn Lozada actually sought out the guidance and began filming for the show in early July before her domestic violence incident with Chad. So what may have appeared as a downward spiral will hopefully end in some good. If there is anyone that can get to the root of a thing it is Iyanla. Hopefully Evelyn has had enough of being “about that life” and continues to evolve and grow into the woman she is destined to be.

This morning on my facebook status I posted a scripture that I have been meditating on. “But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you.” 1 Peter 5:10 We all suffer in different ways, relationships, financially, physically, etc. but sometimes our greatest lessons come out of our greatest sufferings. While we caught a glimpse of Evelyn’s story behind the camera, I can only pray that God is completing her story behind the scenes.

Fix My Life premieres on September 15th and 16th at 10/9c on OWN

“Building relationships of accountability and trust with all roads leading to love.” RATL

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