Tag Archives: trust

May 17 2012

Retake…

“Please put all of your notes away and remove your text book from your desk.  You will need a #2 pencil and a scantron to complete this exam.”

I can remember always feeling unprepared when taking a test.  I was never one to study.  I always relied on being a good note taker in class.  Sometimes it was as if I could see the exact page and line of my notes that the answer was in.  But pass or fail in college, there never seemed to be an opportunity to retake a test.

Lately, I have been tested, my faith has been tried and those same feelings of inadequacy have surfaced.  But the test, I/we have been given are open book.   “Thy word have I hid in my heart, that I might not sin against thee.” Psalm 119:11  And we know that without faith it is impossible to please the Lord.  So what is causing my faith to waiver?  It is important to stay connect.  I must continue in prayer, consistent in my devotion, earnest in praise, pure in worship and having done all, STAND.

Thank God for the opportunity to retake a test that has been failed.  The lesson is taught whether I pass or fail but it is up to me to learn it, apply it and make the necessary adjustments.  I can tell it is His desire for me to  pass because the test are coming closer and closer together.  I’m determined to get through this test because just on the other side is my testimony.  ”I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.  Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you.”  Philippians 3:14-15

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Jan 10 2012

Shake It Off

We suffer losses in so many aspects of life.  But rarely do we look at our losses as gains.  When we lose our job, we don’t think about the opportunity that we had to gather information and the experience gained.  I am learning that the faster I can shift my perspective and look at my situation or circumstances in a different light, the faster that things begin to come together.  I understand that sometimes we don’t know just what to feel or how to respond.  We become numb, in order to cope with the pain, loss or hurt; we have a hard time drawing connections and making decisions.

Our losses can actually be clues to get us to where we were meant to be.  I have suffered many losses, but the greater my losses, the greater my gain. 

Depression is the 4th stage of the grieving process.  We will all experience depression at one point, but the key is not allowing ourselves to stay in that place. 

“Building relationships of accountability and trust with all roads leading to love.” RATL

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Jan 8 2012

Letting Go…

training wheels

Image by qwrrty via Flickr

Some of the most difficult experiences in life, can provide us with the greatest opportunities of gaining wisdom and knowledge. They can also reveal one’s strength. Letting go, I have found to be difficult but at times necessary and for the best.  Three years ago, when I lost my father, I was angry. I prayed and ask God why would you remove the parent that I needed and depended on the most. Why would you leave me with so many questions unanswered? It took a year for me to get my answer.

I had put so much confidence and faith in my father, that if he fell short I would end up crushed. I constantly looked to him for answers instead of praying and asking God. For so long, I was riding through life with the training wheels on. I was scared of falling so I kept every safety net in place to prevent one. But now I realize, since the training wheels have been removed, that the one that holds me up, can also keep me from falling.

I know my father is looking down on me with a heart full of joy, watching his baby girl move forward and grow. I am also thankful that my heavenly father stepped in when I refused to let go.

Anger is the second stage of the grieving process. It allows our intellectual side to question the facts, fight with our reality and blame, even if it’s not at the fault of someone else. It gives us a license to feel the pain of our heart being hurt.

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Jan 7 2012

Blah, Blah, Blah

Words

Image by sirwiseowl via Flickr

If the tears I released this week could be exchanged for words, I could have written a few books and started a new blog.  The tears don’t ease the pain but they let me know that my pain is real.  Understanding the grieving process, I have always found to be difficult.  In my family, you always hear, “You have to be strong”.  I have always wondered, who do I have to be strong for and why can’t demonstrate the pain that I am feeling?

I have literally started three blogs today and this will probably be the only one that I can get the words to come together on.  Is this the state of a grieving heart or the presence of writer’s block.  I think it is the latter.  I’ve searched the stages of grief and the first stage is denial and isolation.  My words and writing are my first and purest forms of communication.   I am holding on to my words so tight because releasing them will force me to accept my reality.  So as I release my words, I am trusting and believing that I am taking the first step to healing. 

“Our earthly loss is always a heavenly gain
Although our hearts hurt and mourn in humanly pain
The fact still remains the same
That Heaven Has Gained more Love
To sprinkle down from above” – Antonio Talbert

“Building relationships of accountability and trust with all roads leading to love.” RATL

Jan 5 2012

Can I Trust You?

With so many types of communication and social media leading the way, I wasn’t surprised that once again I would discover the news of a family member passing away via facebook.  Insensitive right, I know.   However, social media has become a way for so many of us to deal with some of life’s experiences.  We pull from the support of those whom we have come to know virtually.  I get it, but nothing should ever substitute those who we can physically lean on or cry on each other’s shoulder. 

I’ve been in Las Vegas, NV now for almost 5 years and have lost some very important people in my life.   My dad passed away 3 years ago this February 15th and though time is suppose to heal all wounds, I am still patching my heart up.  But each time I suffer another loss, it serves as a reminder.  With the passing of my grandfather (paternal) two days ago, that wound is open just a little.  Not being in the same City let alone State as my family has made me appreciate them even more.  I look forward to the phone calls, the pictures added to their facebook albums, but most of all the face to face visits. 

So here is the part that I hope I can trust you on.  Can I trust you to pick up the phone and call a loved one that you haven’t spoken to in a while?  Can I trust you to forgive that person that may have wronged you?  Can I trust you to be kind to your neighbor?   You never know what they are going through.  Can I trust you to give to someone that may be in need?  The one thing that I have learned, is that I don’t want any regrets.  Each person that has made the transition over the past year, I was given an opportunity to spend some time with them.  My grandfather got to see my children and even play with my youngest son who shares his name this past summer.  The pictures that were taken are priceless.

We have all been blessed with a moment of time called life.  I am trusting you to make the most of it. 

“Building relationships of accountability and trust, with all roads leading to love.” RATL

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  • Trust (darcymullin.wordpress.com)
Jan 1 2012

2012 Blog Challenge: R.A.T.L. 365

“Building (R)elationships of (A)ccountability and (T)rust with all roads leading to (Love.” 

 R.A.T.L. (rattle) Relationship, Accountability, Trust and Love…the acronym used for the mission statement of my non-profit, Mother 2 Mother CDC.  2012 is a year for change and we often here the phrase, “Be the change you wish to see”.  I am going to post each day about how I fulfilled one of the principles within the mission statement.

  • Relationships: Mother 2 Mother wants to inspire pro-social friendships, strong interpersonal skills, and instill a sense of hope in the future.
  • Accountability: The focus of Mother 2 Mother is to empower mothers in establishing goals and following through on commitments.
  • Trust: Mother 2 Mother wants to help to diminish the negative stigma attached to relationships amongst women while instilling the importance of trusting and quality relationships.
  • Love: An individual is dramatically influenced by their support system. Mother 2 Mother wants to surround mothers in a caring, supportive and loving environment; allowing them to heal and grow.

I am always up for a blogging challenge and you should join me.  Let’s get ready to shake, RATL and roll…use RATL in your tags and #RATL in your tweets.  Find a way to accomplish one principle per day in the mission statement and compile a post. 

“Any act often repeated soon forms a habit; and habit allowed, steady gains in strength, At first it may be but as a spider’s web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel.” – Tryon Edwards

Nov 29 2011

My Place of Grace…

Lord I’ve done it again. I’ve taken my focus off from you and I am looking at my circumstance from a front row seat. You told me to cast all my cares on you but sometimes I feel the need to pick them back up. I find myself saying, “If I just do this, fix that or change something else, everything will fall in place”. I question the place or the position you have set me in during this season. But I am recognizing that whatever place you set me in, your grace is sufficient.

The other night, I dreamed from the moment I close my eyes until I opened them. I almost did not want to wake up. My dream was real; I was doing exactly what God had placed on my heart to do. It is not very often that I dream like this or am even able to recall but something about this dream was different. I saw myself in the future. I saw myself the way God sees me, doing the work that he has called me to do. I wasn’t worried and there was no stress, everything was falling into place. I know this is God’s way of speaking to me. Sometimes there is so much going on in my day to day life that I can’t stop to see the many blessings that are before me.

I have added a few words here and there to this particular post for the past few weeks. The title came to me a while ago, but the words just didn’t seem to come out right. You see some of the things that I have been working on have been falling into place but I have been falling apart. I have become my worst critic, speaking my own defeat and not maintaining my focus. Where at one point being transparent was not an issue, I have found myself once again hiding behind accomplishments and titles. I read a blog post on this evening titled Break Me Down and it did just that.

I had moved from that place of transparency, that place of healing where I felt so free to pour out my heart and God always filled it with so much love and joy. When I picked back up my cares, I told God that I trusted my judgement more than his, which left no room for transparency. I am at My Place of Grace…I am thanking God for showing me my heart. It is through transparency the place from which I write and speak that penetrates the hearts of those that are hurting. It is that place that brings light to a dark situation. It is that place from which I can tell someone to keep pushing on because God is giving me the strength to do the same. It is that place from which testimonies and triumphs are born.

I am at My Place of Grace…

“Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered;” Hebrews 5:8

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Oct 18 2011

Who Moved?

When I began this journey, I thought that it ended at a specific location; a destination.  Instead, I have realized that the journey does not end, it just brings new experiences, lessons to be learned and battles to be fought and won.  I could stop here, by choice, or I can continue on and see what the end will be.   For a short while, I had gotten comfortable with the place I was at; I was content.  “Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.” Philippians 4:11

But then I noticed a shift, my usual prayer life was no longer enough, my daily devotions, meditations and fellowship.  I began to feel as if I was alone.  I felt more distant in my prayers, not even knowing what to pray because I felt God knew my heart.  See I was content with the healing that had to been done in my life, but I knew that my healing was not the end of my process but the beginning.  After shouting “YES” in the beginning, my “YES” became a whisper.  I was being pushed or maybe pulled, because God had been leading me the entire time, but I wasn’t moving.  I no longer struggle with the strongholds of anger, bitterness and unforgiveness, rather fear, shyness and lack of confidence.  So now I sit and ask, “who moved?”

I had to reach out to someone, my mentor.  Though I couldn’t clearly describe the space that I am in, she was able to explain to me what was happening.  “ You can feel the pull to come up higher, but the fear of knowing what “higher’ is keeps you stagnant…The enemy has your mind so clouded with fear that you can’t even hear from the Lord…”  She encouraged me to just lay prostate before the Lord.  She was embarking on a fast this week and her words were “ I am taking you with me”. 

My desire is to do what the Lord has called for me to do.  “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13  I began my 40 day journey two weeks ago and I refuse to turn a 40 day journey into a 40 year journey.  Lord I am available to you.  I am drawing you closer and no longer pushing back.  I trust that everything I need on this journey you have already saw fit to equip me with.  I need to walk in it and believe, for we walk by faith and not by sight.  I am releasing the fear and doubt.  “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear: but of power, and of love, and a sound mind.” 2 Timothy 1:7

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Oct 1 2011

Let Patience Have Her Perfect Work

I’ve come too far to turn around, but what’s keeping me in the wilderness? We will all experience a wilderness period at one time or another. Some will turn back to old ways but some will embrace the experience and seek to learn what is being taught. “Teach me thy way, O Lord; I will walk in thy truth: unite my heart to fear thy name. Psalm 86:11

Last year God gave me (3) areas to study and understand, while he was freeing me from the bondage of my past: strongholds, surrendering and transparency. I had to realize that there were some things in my life that had a stronger hold on me than I had on them. I had to trust God enough to surrender them to him and believe that he would heal those areas that had been so deeply wounded. Transparency brought me to a place of complete trust and faith. My scars became proof of God’s faithfulness and bare my testimony.

There are (3) more areas I must learn while in the wilderness: faith, obedience and patience. My faith has been developed and has kept me seeking more truth and believing that He will never leave me nor forake me. “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.” Hebrews 13:6 Obedience has caused me to believe the vision that was given and continue working towards bringing it to fruition.

Now patience…

The other day my daughter came to me and said “mom I just want you to be happy, not irritated or frustrated.” Two days later, she came to me and said the same thing. I did not realize it until I began researching the wilderness experience, that she was speaking of having patience. I guess I wasn’t demonstrating patience. According to dictionary.com, patience is defined as the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like; an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay. And all this time, I thought God wasn’t speaking to me but he used my daughter to give me a word.

Patience is a lot like a thermostat on an A/C unit; it regulates the temperature. The thermostat makes sure its not too hot or too cold. Patience regulates one’s character, causing one to respond consistently to whatever circumstances presented instead of reacting. Patience says God is preparing something better when we don’t get what we want. Patience says there must be more to learn rather than believing we know it all. Patience says, “though he slay me, yet will I trust him”. Patience assures that a firm foundation has been built and will allow things to be tore down in order to ensure the leaks and cracks have been sealed.

Character is developed as the result of a wilderness experience and patience is the best lesson.

“But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.” James 1:4

May 25 2011

This Ole Journey

I would lend you my shoes, but they’re a little worn.
You see the path was laid before me, but I didn’t listen to those who had warned.

I would lend you my hand, but it is already over extended.
You see my heart was placed in the hands of the man for whom it was never intended.

What do you need from me? Whatever you need I don’t think I’m ready to give.
See I’ve been hurt many times, and I’ve forgotten how to forgive.

I would give you my friendship, but I’m not ready to lead.
You see there were so many warnings, but I didn’t take heed.

I would lend you my ear, but I failed to listen.
You see I have realized that a lot of the lessons taught I had been missing.

What do you need from me? Whatever you need, I don’t think I’m ready to give.
But I will paint you a picture of my journey, if its only through my testimony that you shall not die but live.

Original Poem ~ Rhachelle Nicol’